Standstill

When I am bothered by paperwork like writing for getting grants, I always feel uneasy without my regular works. So, to write or not to write, that's my eternal conflict! This year is my last year to be able to apply some types of grants that limit age until 34. Actually, I have gotten several honorable grants so far, but that will not continue from now on due to my age. This means people regard me as senior person in this field next year to get administrative funds as one of the senior persons. Considering my age and achievements, I am wondering why I am here and where I am going, and at last question this way in my life is right? I hate those green questions which kind of an undergraduate student in distress lets out. However, when you are pushing your way through the crowd of multinational people, you cannot help being impressed with the miracle you are here. So, today's one word, prepare yourself for coming ordeals and grow out of yourself.